Saturday, December 1, 2012

Saving the Moola: November in review

November was such a wonderful month in terms of our finances! We had a goal in mind for what we wanted to save for child expenses {medical bills, cloth diapers and other necessities, etc.}, and we are almost.there. Our goal is to have fully funded our Monster {aka the baby growing in my belly} account by December 27. I originally thought there was no way we'd make it, but assuming no unexpected emergencies arise, we will! Glory to God!

Through this entire pregnancy, I have not made it a secret by any means that I'm disappointed we will not be debt free by the end of the year. All of the money we would have funneled toward my last student loan went instead to the Monster account. I find it hilariously ironic that the exact amount needed to pay off my student loan is the exact amount we needed to save for the Monster account. I've been praying a lot and giving this all to God... and I've been working on an attitude adjustment. I'm so blessed, but I felt so sure God was calling me to live this life debt free now and to know that can't happen just yet... well it was slowly killing me. I felt very drained. Some days, I still feel drained.

My last student loan is, to me, such a small amount and to not pay it off even though the money is in the bank is just the worst feeling ever. I know the money is there for a reason. I know the money will eventually be needed and spent on worthwhile things {like rent while I am on maternity leave!}. Honestly? It's just very difficult to have set a specific goal and not meet it.

It's been incredibly humbling. I've been broken this last half of 2012. I'm only just now, as I write this in the last week of November, starting to feel slightly put back together. But I tell you: I am not the same person I was in June. My heart's been broken and put back together - it's not the same. This pregnancy, and what it means for me in this specific aspect of using this money for another purpose other than being debt free, has been an extremely difficult journey.

Am I excited about Monster arriving? Of course! I can't wait to see his/her little face and get to know him/her. I'm ready to fulfill my calling of teaching little one all I can, immersing him/her in our church and, with my husband, homeschooling little one when the time comes. And of course, by me saying I'm ready, I really mean I'm not because what the heck do I know about little ones? But I'm ready to learn as I go!

I'm grateful there is one month left in the year for us to meet our Monster account goal. But I am even more grateful that a new year is just about on us, soon Monster will be here, and assuming s/he is happy and healthy, we can get back to our debt-free journey.


Anonymous said...

Reading this, I thought, wow, this took a lot of guts to post, it could be perceived as selfish - however these are the thoughts that plague some of us moms. Sure there will be the people who say - you should have thought of that before you decided to have a baby - and I would have to say that I would be one of those people, had I not experienced what you mentioned first had. First, having a baby is the most amazing thing, it's the most amazing feeling having a child, a child given to you by God is growing inside of you, the movements, the hiccups, the kicking all is something that is one of the most miraculous feelings. And when the baby is born, knowing that you and your husband made this beautiful being that is yours to love and cherish is a feeling like no other - then as the baby grows and you experience every milestone the love continues to grow more and more each day. Having a baby truly is the most wonderful thing a woman can do in her life.
Now this leads me to the financial situation - I too had cried to my husband, what have we done? Are we ready for a baby? Did we think this through---when the onset of "how in the world are we going to afford this" creeps up. But like he said, none of that matters! We would never be "ready" - we would always find an "excuse" to wait and then before you know it, it could be too late. This is just another chapter in your life that will allow you to grow and learn. You already are ahead of the game by having a savings account going, but after the baby is born you will find, that you will be just fine! That's the beautiful thing about us humans, we adapt, and learn to do what we have to do to make things work. So, try to, enjoy your pregnancy, enjoy the birth, enjoy your baby, just plain ole' enjoy the bumps, curves and pot holes in the road - easier said than done, but I can tell you first hand, that you can drive yourself crazy "over thinking" things. Take it one step at a time, try to enjoy every one of those steps and know that God will help you though. Eventually, these little worries will disappear and you will realize, they weren't worth the time or effort they took from you----focus on living in and for those little moments, and ENJOY them.

Jess and Jason said...

Hi there,

In regards to the first part of your comment, I just want to clarify some things: I believed and still believe that God is calling me to live this life debt free. HOWEVER, and I implore you to really understand this fully, my husband and I do NOT believe in birth control. Well, haha, we do - we believe in letting GOD decide our family. So in terms of "thinking about this before having a baby," we did. We knew that if God desired us to have a family, He would be the one to make this happen. And He did. Clearly and obviously. Therefore, we are thrilled. (I'm rather I mentioned in my post that I'm excited for Monster to arrive). My feelings of "we're not going to be debt free" have no take-away from my feelings of my child. In fact, my feelings of "we're not going to be debt free" are in part because I want to give my child the best life s/he can have - and I believe fully that being debt free is one of the important things I need to be to give my child the best life.

And while I understand your feelings for the second part of the post - I never had that "what have we done" feeling. Because GOD placed this child in my womb. It's not about what WE had done - it is about what HE has done. I would never question what God does - His timing is His own. BUT that doesn't take away my desire to be debt free.

I feel as if you possibly misunderstood the majority of my post, so I just wanted to clarify. You posted as "Anonymous" so I'm unsure if you're a reader who doesn't personally know me or a reader who does personally know me who clearly doesn't personally know me, otherwise you would know of my and my husband's excitement for the pending arrival of God's blessing. But please be rest assured: Jason and I are thrilled for Monster and cannot wait for him/her to arrive. And we desire to be debt free. We're enjoying our pregnancy, and we're not enjoying being debt free. Despite the fact that two are somewhat linked, they are very much separate things in our minds.

Thank you for the comment, and I hope I helped to clear up what might have been some confusion!